The Harshest Critic

According to the weather bureau, it feels like 35°C outside right now… It is almost 30° inside! It is not yet midday, and definitely not too late for another coffee, but I think today calls for a latte “on the rocks”!

The brilliant blue dome overhead is framed on the horizon with billowing white clouds, visibly reaching up into the sky as I watch them. Tinged with a hint of charcoal, threatening storms later in the day.

Barely a breath disturbs the foliage. Not a note uttered from the birds, seeking what shade they can. Even the usual summertime buzz – that reverberates through the undergrowth from unseen cicadas – is eerily absent.

Perhaps the oppressive nature of the day and the ominous grey on the horizon is indicative of the darker voice within, that exerts its own level of oppression on our psyche. I am sure I am my own harshest critic – I second-guess every decision I make, wondering “was this the right course of action? Is this the best thing to do?”

I have been doing that a lot lately.

We all want the best for those we care about. Of course there will be bumpy patches on the road of life, but we always wish them the smoothest route. And when the way forward becomes unclear, with nowhere to turn, then we look to help clear a path.

We seek advice and form a plan. We weigh up the pros and cons, then attempt to move forward… But, there it is again, that niggling silent critic from within. When one of those “cons“ becomes apparent, I begin to question myself. “Have I done the right thing?“ “Is this really the best course of action?“ “Will the ramifications, the difficulties, or the outcome cause more damage than we began with”? “Will I be responsible for the complete breakdown of the situation?“

All I want to do is help someone I love live a better life. All I want to do is fix fracturing relationships. Anxiety can be crippling – not just for the sufferer.

No one can answer my questions. No one can silence the voice. I will just have to trust the advice and appreciate the support of others. The murky depths of the mind offer zero visibility and harbour many invisible obstacles… we will all find a way forward, and a smooth path… Together.

As the temperature cools, and those late storms roll through, perhaps the fresh breath of air they bring will help to clear the mind and find the way.

And That’s a Wrap!

Cicadas buzz. The sun is already high and warm, but the breeze feels cool and dry against my skin. Birds throw the occasional “tweet“ back and forth through the swaying branches, but most wildlife seems to be enjoying a quiet siesta. Perhaps resting as they prepare to celebrate a new dawn, as we are preparing to celebrate a New Year.

I sip from one of my final gifts of 2022 – an exquisite floral tea cup – and wonder where the year has disappeared to. I try to recall the significant events, hoping to extract some profound wisdom to carry forward with me into the next year… But instead, I am finding my mind wandering with the breeze, and the butterflies, amongst the most incredibly vivid blue-purple pom-poms that appear to be suspended above the singular, lush green leaves of a monstrous agapanthus plant.

A flash of bright green and fiery red, as a pair of lorikeets skim past the blooms at lightning speed, snaps my mind back to the here and now. I remember why the year was such a blur…

Much of it was spent simply trying to put one foot in front of the other, getting from one day to the next. With my partner doing long lonely stints of work away from home. Our middle child struggling with the transition into high school. With our youngest and oldest navigating the ever evolving challenges of social etiquette and protocols.

The year may have been a blur, but we have all come through it stronger, more confident, hopefully a little wiser, and despite the usual family bickering and sibling rivalry… A little more appreciative of each other, and our roles within the family unit.

It seems that my final musing for this year has been one of general reflection, and recognition of what is important… While I look forward to the next with optimism, and a handful of my own personal resolutions.

I began this blog a few years ago with the catchphrase “ my thoughts, your thoughts“… I’d love to hear them as we close out 2022.

Drabble – Into The Dawn

Wisps of eerie mist rise from dampened earth. Hooves thud upon it with rhythmic urgency. Droplets moisten my face as it cuts through the heavy air of pre-dawn.

I move as one with the equine being. Hair streaming behind, a shining blonde mane. Adrenaline surging, I lurch toward the glimmering gold horizon.

A glance behind, darkness pursues like a sinister beast.

What am I fleeing from? What am I drawn to?

Raucous birdsong jolts my being.

With eyes open wide, heart pounding and beads of sweat upon my forehead, I glance furtively to the right… The alarm shatters my slumber!

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A “drabble” (also known as a “100 word story”), is a short work of fiction, exactly one hundred words in length.

This is my first ever attempt, and I had so much fun!

I would love your feedback… Did I take you there? Were you in the moment? When your morning alarm has gone off, have you been there too? 😊

Streaming Services – A Blessing or a Curse?

On demand TV is in most households in the developed world, but technology has provided us with a double edged sword.

From the moment we rise in the morning until well after our head hits the pillow at night – and if we choose so, every moment in between – the availability of any and all genre of visual media is literally at our fingertips.

TV is no longer limited to that one screen in a living room where the family gathered, if not to discuss world events reported in the news, then to enjoy nothing more than the comforting presence of one another in the combined enjoyment of a prime time show.

TV-time is no longer an opportunity to learn the skills of diplomacy and the benefits of democracy, as streaming has eliminated a need for these, when almost every member of the household has individual access to at least one screen.

TV has also become a minefield of censorship with guardians needing the skills and opportunity to enforce parental controls in a world where often their children are more tech-savvy than they are themselves. Navigating the tricky territory of viewing that was once restricted to certain hours, now being available 24 hours, is all but impossible.

At one time a parent could survive with just the extra set of “eyes in the back of their head“, but now with individual small screen devices in separate bedrooms across multiple family members, those eyes are simply no longer enough! The reality is that you’d be spending all your (usually very little) free time checking from one child to another to enforce, or ensure, that innocent minds are not being assaulted by any of the gratuitous violence (and worse) that is freely accessible.

On the flip-side, one can binge on whatever they desire without the frustration of other family members and their variety of interests. Children can laugh along with their favourite cartoon characters as much as they like, teens can dine on a 24 hour diet of music clips, while adults pick and choose as they please… Even if the kids haven’t gone to sleep yet!

Our positive flip-side is that we have created our own family viewing time around an oldie, but a goodie, in “Friends” – I guess you could call it “designer primetime“.

There were moments when I saw ‘on demand TV’ as the death of family time, but with a little gentle persuasion (and perhaps coercion), I am beginning to see the way to a new era of family viewing.

How has the availability of streaming services affected your household dynamic?

Something Is Different Today.

It is an early spring morning. The sky is an incredible azure … But something is not quite right. The breeze is light and cool… But something is not quite right. The birds are twittering, today in a different tone… Something is not quite right.

Treelopping services are like busy termites everywhere – The buzz of chainsaws chewing through wood interrupts the tune of nature. The air is so dry when I breathe that I can only begin to imagine what the parched earth must be enduring. A fine grainy dust coats every surface. I can even feel it like sandpaper underfoot as I walk through the house.

We began our day just like any other. The morning chaos was as it usually is. The flurry of hugs, kisses and rushed goodbyes at the school gate were as frantic and enthusiastic as always.

Now that I have a moment to enjoy my morning coffee, I glance up again to notice that the incredible azure of that clear sky is tinged at the horizon with a suspicious beige haze.

I inhale deeply, expecting the rich aroma of those beans to be the perfect accompaniment to my musings… But there is something acrid in the background. Something more than just dust. Something is not quite right…

I can smell smoke!